Our Adoption Story

Hello! I have decided to compile all the emails I sent from China and put them here in the Family Section. It seemed appropriate. Love-- Jen

9/10/05 Hello to all! Well, what a crazy rollercoaster of a week it has been here at the Dolata Casa -- I am extremely pleased to let you all know that our travel dates are FINALLY set and we will soon be starting on our journey to Jainy...We will arrive in Beijing THIS Saturday!! After a day of recovery and a day of sight-seeing, we fly to Hubei to get that little girl of ours ...oh my, is that really less than a week from now??? So much to do.... so much to do...I am reallllly flipping out here! ;) No really, I finally truly understand the meaning of 'deer in the headlights.' ha!ha! (I laughed there, but it was more of a nervous laughter) ;) Anyway, scattered in with the moments of sheer panic are feelings of pure elation and we really couldn't be happier that this time is finally here! Thank you all for your love and support, we couldn't have done this without you! 9/11/05 Hello From Beijing ! We have safely made it to the hotel and now we are just relaxing a little until we go grab some dinner and check out the Chinese 'Night Life'. Thought I'd give you all a quick update... First off, We really consider ourselves fortunate for being here....out of the 68 families that were matched to our kiddos on July 29th, only 11 got American Consulate appointments this month. (only Hubei and Guangzhou families for some reason) plus, out of those 11 families, 3 families flights were cancelled today from NY...so, there are 8 of us who are actually on track. The rest wait to travel till Oct 11....youch, I would be absolutely nuts. Anyway that at least explains why we were unclear about our Consulate appointment til the last minute, but again, we are pretty lucky to be here. Somebody must be watching out for us. (Thanks, Gramp) So far we have met a lot of nice people...only one other couple using our agency is here at the hotel now....they are from NY, and he is a NYPD police officer who was at Ground Zero four years ago....what a different experience now...the wife said they are thankful to finally have something to celebrate on 9/11 so we are happy that they are here with us. The rest of the families are from different agencies...everybody has a different story about their journey to their daughters, but all have that same 'deer in the headlight' expression that I have had the last month and a 1/2. It's getting to the point that we can pick them out of a crowd before they even say a word. :) Our guide is really nice too, her name is Veronica and she is from Beijing . She has explained everything we need to know thus far and actually walked us down to the grocery store for water and Diet Coke (of course) she will be with us until we leave Guangzhou (Sept 23rd) so we feel very safe and in good hands. We are still on track to get Jainy this Tuesday (about 36 hours from now, but who's counting??) :) Tomorrow we get to tour the City !(Yahoooo)!!, Well, I think that is all...we are going to get some dinner, explore a little and then call it a night. 9/12/05 Hello to all, We sure hope all is well over there in the U.S. -- we feel as though we are half a world away from you all...heehee, little international joke there, sorry...see, I am still not funny --regardless of the continent....:) Day 3 was fantastic -- we went to the Great Wall, Tiannamenn Square and the Forbidden City...the one thing we learned is that if you messed up for any reason you got your head chopped off....regardless of the story, regardless of the reason...slice...off goes the head.... man, I would NOT have survived at all! ha! No really, it was amazing -- I wish I could attach photos, but we cant figure out how to to do that yet...hopefully we can figure it tomorrow in Hubei ... We toured with like 6 other families today, so it was a nice intimate group...a few of the kiddos were adopted a few years ago so these parents were here to get their sister-- it was wonderful seeing how they are thriving now. We did find out that most kids in our group are at least 17 months old for some reason...no clue why, but no babies...interesting. Anyway, the best part was the Great Wall, although it still kicked my butt a little, okay a lot, but we still had a great day..after so many years of dreaming about it, to finally be there felt surreal...there was one part where the wall was about 3 feet high and I thought 'hmmmmm....not so tough to keep war-mongering invaders out...unless they were really, really short back then in 221 BC...who knows? ' heehee. Out of our group there was only one other couple that kept us with us so I felt pretty good...until I saw an older Chinese lady in pumps smoking a cigarette...suddenly I became humbled and somewhat humiliated, but what the heck, I did my best. Kev mentioned he would like to come back some day to do the Great Wall Marathon ...what a show off! ;) Anyhow, we survived it and no bones were broken so I consider it to be one heck of a day! Our guide said if we could handle the Wall, we should be able to handle a toddler...looks like I may have my hands full! Now we are back in our room, packing for our trip to Hubei in the morning...looks like we will be there by noon, go to the bureau at 3pm and get Jainy at about 330pm...less than 24 hours we will finally meet her.. suddenly I am feeling very humbled again....we just can't help but to wonder if she has ANY clue whatsoever that her destiny no longer includes that orphanage....we sure hope so....anyway, soon she will be in our arms, right where she belongs.... 9/13/05 Wow...hello again -- his time from Wuhan in the Hubei Province...this time as parents to little Jainy Xuan....It's 10:00 pm and we just got her to sleep, so I thought I'd email real quick before we called it a night ourselves... The day started out great, butterflies were in check, we actually got a few hours sleep the night before...but those butterflies were set free again once we were in the air on our way to Hubei...first off, our plane was delayed an hour, which was no big deal, that put us in a rush to check in at the hotel, grab our stuff and make it to the bureau...it was hectic and absolutely crazy, but we made it there only 15 minutes late, so that wasn?t bad at all... Then all helll broke loose..... They introduced the babies one by one, Jainy was the first to come out. I took her in my arms and she had a break down, it was, by far, the most heart wrenching thing I have ever experienced in my life...she kept yelling 'mamma, mamma' but it wasn't for me...her orphanage mom was behind the door and she knew it so she kept reaching and begging for her to come out....the funny thing was, as they introduced the other 7 kiddos as soon as thy came out and heard our little kiddo screaming, they all did too...little Jainy, already a trendsetter...SO, I cried, Kev cried, Jainy cried...then I looked over to the door and noticed that her foster mom was on the verge of breaking down herself...once she saw that I saw her she tucked back in behind the door, but it was too late, I saw her and it about killed me..so, I placed Jainy in Kev's arms and went to thank her foster mom...I hugged her with all that I had, then thanked her for taking care of her, touched her heart, then touched mine, hugged her again and then turned around to get the girl..who was panicking at that point...not sure how many men have held her before...oh my, I really can't explain how we felt..the word devastated seems appropriate....yes, we know we are crumbling her world now in order to build it back up again-- but to see her yell and beg for her 'momma' is definitely something Kev and I will never forget.... Elsewhere in the room it was sheer pandemonium...babies crying, new moms and dad's crying, it was crazy and although we were prepared for them to all cry, when it happened we were all stunned.... I am happy to say that as soon as we got back on the bus and got on the road, the tears have stopped, for all of us......we got her to the room and she really showed us that she is every bit the 18 month-old they said she is...she went for the remote, turned the channels, laughed, sang with the music videos for a while, danced a bit, then talked on the phone to whoever would listen (the bellboy mostly)....she ate dinner...first she ate a lot of her vegetables and rice, but then she helped herself to daddy's French fries....finished her juice and then helped me change her...now, I wasnt going to tell anyone this, but I have never, I repeat, never put pj's on a kiddo before, much less changed a diaper, so we had a bit of difficulty at first, but we all survived....(By the way, forget that whole 'failure to thrive' concept...her 18 moth old jammies JUST fit her!! She stands on her tippy toes, opens and closes drawers, turns of/on/off/on/off/on/off light switches, she opens boxes, writes with a pen and helps her daddy figure out how to use the computer....its amazing... Nigh-night time was the only time tonight we had any tears....as soon as I patted the pillow she about lost it, but her bedtime is 9:00 and we really needed to make sure we stick to that schedule the best we can...she protested but Kev and I just laid down on our beds, dimmed the lights and she was out with her beanie-baby at her side..... Kev is fast asleep too, although he doesn't have a beanie baby.....I just turned back to look at them both and I am wondering how it is that I am so fortunate?? Life is amazing..... 9/14/05 Well, so far so good...we are officially a family...put our red thumb prints on our signatures today to make it official, accepting her as our daughter...now we are watching her sleep for her noontime nap.---we really cant take our eyes off of her.......really, she is an incredible little spirit that we cant wait to know....today at the bureau she was a different kiddo...rocking on rocking horses, laughing, running around with the other kids, what a difference 24 hours makes....anyway, I have a meeting at 2pm with the orphanage director to find out specific things about her....funnnnnnn!Anyway, I will send out pix tonight...we all have a play date at the park planned.... Loving it, absolutely loving it.... 9/15/05 Good evening from Wuhan .... I have a slogan for today... 'WeAte... WeDrank... WePooped... Wuhan !!' I'm thinking of getting it on a T-Shirt! ha! Okay, yes, I know, not funny....clever, but not really funny... Anyway, another day complete and what a difference 24 hours makes.... Today started off pretty emotional...it started last night when I changed her clothes...when I took off her socks, in her right sock there was a wad of paper in it...not too big, so I thought to myself, hmmmmm...must have gotten in there in the laundry, so I didn't think much of it... This morning I was getting clothes organized and ready for laundry when I noticed the little bit of paper that was in her sock....Luckily I unwrapped it for some reason...in it was a little red piece of cloth....one side said " For you to keep secret." The other side was a note from Jainy's foster mom...I just sat down next to Kev and cried.....it was very reassuring that she left a note letting me know that she deeply loves Jainy....again, this is stuff that brings me to my knees....this wait was so difficult and the one thing we wished for was for someone to take care of her spirit until we could find her..........looks like that wish came true...I plan on getting in touch with them so she knows that the little spirit she helped along is thriving....it's the least I can do.... Anyway, from there we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to make it legal...now we are officially a family...really, what a difference a day makes...she played and laughed and had a wonderful time with the other kiddos...no more tears, no more trauma...I was a little nervous because they invited some moms back to see their foster kiddos...but Jainy was unphased by her presence. She continued to play, continued to have a great time and I know that had to help her Foster mom...leaving it like it was yesterday with that being the final memory of her would have been unfair -- I only hope that she left there today knowing she is in good hands....this is the best closure anyone could ask for...S o, we took a nap after that...then we decided to go on out for a quick trip to the mall...getting there was crazy-- in China there really aren't street lights or crosswalks, so it is basically one HUUUUGE game of 'Frogger!' One of the pix I am attaching kind of shows how it is...its crazy...don?t get me wrong, we are safe, but you know what they say : 'When in Rome -- try not to get run over'...or something like that... :) Finally dinner was absolutely hilarious...we went to the Chinese restaurant in the hotel with another couple and their baby....I ordered the sweet n sour pork, keeping it safe...Kev on the other hand cracked us all up...see, the waitress went around the table and took our orders one by one....Kev wanted something authentic to this region so he kept pointing to different entrees...the waitress kept shaking her head 'yes' so Kev thought he settled on some noodle and beef combo....It turns out that all the studying of Mandarin in preparation to come here did NOT pay off!! We wound up with FOUR dinners for Kev, plus the 3 for the rest of us, not to mention the little portions ordered for the kiddos...the food kept coming and coming....we sat there like ' what the heck??' then we realized what happened-- the waitress even tried to stop us saying: 'There are 4 meals for the two of you ' pointing quizzically to Kevin and I . Kev says 'No, individual checks, please.' Holy crap it was funny....I am sure they were thinking 'Typical Americans, Super Sizing everything!' :) So, thru the meal we just kept wondering what the tab would be...I was expecting over 100 dollars....it was, but it was 207 Yuan-- which translates to about 22 American dollars...really, it was so funny....we decided to cut Kev off and wouldn't let him order dessert...we were terrified at what we would actually get! ha! What was also funny is this is a very upscale restaurant...not a great place to bring two toddlers who are convinced they should be able to feed themselves...rice, egg, noodles....I don?t have time to go into detail but suffice it to say there was food and chop sticks everywhere...I just kept apologizing and at that moment I SUDDENLY completely , 100 percent-ally understand the parents embarrassment at the restaurants I used to work at....in retrospect I apologize to all those parents I have cursed after they left mashed potatoes crushed in the carpet.....rice and noodles CAN?T possibly come out of that carpet easily....ha! We left a big tip and snuck out unnoticed....I'd have to think that we will be banned from coming back during the rest of our stay! ha! Finally, we had our first bath tonight...I say 'We' because I was as much in the bath as the munchkin...she was great, but again, it is me that is the complicating factor..how do you hold a baby, tip her head back and rinse her hair all at once? I can't say that it was pretty, but it was successful....I keep just reassuring myself and Jainy that it can only get better from here...speaking of only getting better...turns out I have been putting her diapers on backwards this whole time...who knew Big Bird went on the back? Luckily Kev changed her at noon and found the error of my ways...my ignorance amuses me... .real quick though--thanks to all of you for your emails and encouragement...I know I say this a lot, but we really couldn't have done this without you all in our corner. I can't wait for Jainy to get to know her amazing family....

9/16/05 Hello again...its now Friday, Sept 16th.....Day 4......more time has passed, more memories have been made.... First off, we met with the director of the orphanage the other day. It was great, he went thru all of our kiddos one by one and explained a little something about each kiddo...he touched on Jainy's spirit, her likes/dislikes, etc. He also told us why she was named 'Xuan' -- it turns out the word doesn't actually mean 'pretty' like we were told, but she was named for a famous actress here that is considered beautiful....we happen to agree. (We also agree with my 3 year old niece Greta when she described Jainy as 'adorumble.' ) After the Director spoke we got to ask questions. I asked if she has ever had any major illnesses or injuries...turns out, no, she has been a healthy kiddo...whew, big sigh of relief there. Another thing I found out is that these kiddos from this Institute are actually fostered at a private home then they come to the orphanage monthly for medical checks and socialization....this really surprised me, I had no clue that she actually lived with a family, but now that explains absolutely everything. There are about 200 kiddos that are technically in the orphanage but only about 1/2 'live' there-- usually special needs kids or children who got into the system before they opened adoptions internationally and now they are too 'old' to be adopted. They do run a school and programs, so it seems as though they do the best they can to meet their needs. Anyway, I think we got luckily being matched with this orphanage. For the most part all the kiddos are adjusting well, there are a few exceptions...one had a virus, one is having bonding issues, but all these issues will work their selves out...overall the group is happy and healthy. As far as our little munchkin is concerned....hmmmmmmm........okay........how should I describe her......EXTROVERT....hmmmmm.... yeah, that seems appropriate.....she has really come out of her shell the last 24 hours and she is a completely different baby than the one we picked up...it is so much fun to see her discover her world. She also seems to have been put on this planet for us...she enjoys bath time, enjoys the pool, enjoys crazy stroller rides from her daddy, enjoys the pigeons in the park...(Kev, being the natural fighter pilot that he is was chasing the pigeons around with Jain in the stroller showing her the perfect angle of attack based on the birdies movements....no birds were actually 'shot down' with this lesson and Jainy loved it and picked up some good aviation advice. You never know when this information is going to come in handy.... So, the other day I was mentioning to Kev that she didn?t seem to be interested in climbing on stuff, she waited for us to pick her up and put her in the bed, in our laps, etc....it was kinda weird -- but I figured she would 'get it' eventually...she got it tonight....after one day on the playground she realized her feet can actually be off of the ground so now we are in trouble....climbing on the bed, off the bed, on the bed, off the bed...well, you get the point. To complicate matters even further I stepped out of the room for something and as I came back in I heard the best laugh I have ever heard in my life. (the way I can describe it is a deep squeak that comes from the soul -- it was 'adorumble') I just sat at the door and waited a while just to listen to them?when I came in both her and Kev stopped in their tracks....seems as though Kev taught her how to jump on the bed....seems as though they also knew they were busted..... I had to laugh -- she will eventually learn it anyway so what the heck, no time like the present....anyway, it only makes sense...since we've gotten her our feet haven't touched the ground yet, so it's only fair that hers aren't either. Today we went to the Yellow Crane Tower ..one of the 3 famous towers in China...it was spectacular, but we realized today that we reallllllllly don't fit in here...the only way I can put it is that we all feel a little rock star-ish.....today a couple with us was actually asked for their autographs...I really don?t get it, but I am getting used to it. We had people stop to take pictures of us, video-ing the pack of us...then people from our group took pictures of the Chinese people who were taking pictures of us --it was crazy. I am going to send along a photo of the pack of us...after looking at it I guess I can see why we stand out, but to all of us we look like family. A nother example is that Kev and I had to go to the store to get a certain type of tea that Jainy loves...so when I asked if they had any the girl behind the counter sprinted to the back of the store with a huge smile and found it for us just as quick as she could...it was bizarre, but flattering....I guess it's their view of the 'westerner,' but when they see us with Chinese children they are really confused. Our guide actually made a card for us to wear around our necks to explain to the people here what we are here for and why it is that we could have an Asian baby...I scoffed at it at first, but it really works..once they find out why we are here and that we adopted one of their Chinese children they usually give is the thumbs up and their whole expression changes and we are congratulated...its quite bizarre. Kind of sad to me, too.....don't know why there can be so many children abandoned but yet they are surprised when international people actually come over to adopt one....hmmmmmm....not quite sure how I feel about it...it's like its an unspoken/undiscussed issue. I guess until more people discuss it openly and realize what they are doing things can't change.... There are a lot of humorous things that happen as well...namely in translation....the funniest thing was when we were looking for a swimsuit for the girl....we had a hard time finding one, but what we didn?t know is what we SHOULD have been asking for: 'The Trousers of Preventing Water for Baby' -- Ahhhhhhh, yes...makes sense. ha! We just love it, though -- I appreciate any attempt at English because really, we know nothing other than how to say hello and thank you....not too impressive or conducive to getting anything accomplished. Its pretty humbling to walk down a drink aisle and not be able to figure out which one was Diet Coke..I think I found it, but the drink tastes suspiciously like Nestea...guess the search continues! :) People have been really friendly, as well...a lady actually stopped to help me pick out diapers....hmmmmmm....how clueless did I look to have a total stranger look at me, look at Jainy (with, I think, pity in her eyes ;) ) and pick them out for us....again, my ignorance is somewhat stunning... I guess to sum up is that we are having a great time in Hubei . Jainy is doing better than we could ever expect....she has shown me her singing and dancing skills as well as her incredible sense of humor -- as a matter of fact, as soon as she goes down for a nap or nigh-night time we can barely wait til she wakes up again so we can start our day with her. Kev said today that he now knows how our dog, McKinley, must feel like when she is trying her best to be patient and wait til we wake up, but the 'cold nose nudge' just cant be helped.....so far we have not used that tried and true technique -- not yet anyway...it's so hard to not want to instantly make up for the 18 months we missed...but we have to remind ourselves we have the rest of our lives to do so....I just can't wait...

9/18/05 Well, It's Sunday, September 18th...we've been here seven days already..what a week it has been...

Here are a few things I have learned thus far...

· ....that everything I had figured out really makes no sense to me anymore...

· ....that once you become a parent the things that didn't scare you before now scare the living hell out of you...example: big hunks of cookie, meat, watermelon, etc...

· ....that 18 teeth are more than capable of handling a biscuit...

· ...that in order to allow my child to eat anything that is NOT mashed I need to look away...

· ....that distraction not only works for an 18 month-old, but a 36 year-old as well...

· ....that it is not necessary to feel your baby's chest rise and fall a dozen times a night to reassure yourself that she is, in fact, still breathing....

· ....that deep soul squeaks make life worth living....

· ....that wearing dark pants to dinner is probably a good thing....

· ....that I should have packed a 'stain stick'...

· ....that a 'hot meal' is probably a thing of the past....

· ....that rice is very hard to pick out of the carpet...

· ....that not EVERYTHING needs to be packed in the diaper bag...

· .... that diapers, however, do belong in the diaper bag....

· ....that to an 18 month-old, graham cracker goldfish are the best thing EVER..

· ....that toys will always be scattered along the path of least resistance...

· ....that tubby toys are a wonderful invention...

· ....that really anything can be used as a tubby toy...

· ....that eyes that smile are a beautiful thing..

· ....that laughter is, indeed, the best medicine....

· ....that pigtails are impossible to do -- no matter how easy they look..

· ....that hair clips are, on the other hand, pretty darn easy....

· ....that patience in an 18 month-old is a gift but patience in a 36 year-old is a virtue...

· ....that music videos on TV are rather inappropriate...

· ....that TV on TV is rather inappropriate...

· ....that music on the computer is awesome to dance to..

· ...that an 18 month-old kiddo can have some really great dance moves..

· ....that she can also teach you to go ahead and act silly...

· ....that nap time is toooooooooooo long...

· ....that there is no such thing anymore as a 'closed' door....

· ....that solid poopies are to be celebrated...

· ....that a lot is, indeed, lost in translation..

· ....that being 'different' is okay...

· ....that 'family' is however you define it...

· ....that kites in the sky are invigorating...

· ....that fishies in a pond are invigorating...

· ....that ducks in the water are invigorating..

· ....that anything seen through new eyes can be invigorating.....

· ....that one should not underestimate the power of a fun stroller ride...

· ....that a loving father is beautiful to watch..

· ....that a patient, understanding husband is invaluable...

· ....that a 23-pounder can bring both her parents to their knees...

· ...that I am not as tough as I thought I was....

· ....that friends and family will be there when you feel weak...

· ...that hearing the word 'Momma' is truly an honor.

· ...that love has no timeline....

I have learned the overwhelming, humbling, life-changing power of love...

9/19/05 AHHHHHH! I just spent an hour typing an update and lost it with a power surge! It's way too late to retype so to sum up real quick.... Flight to Guangzhou went well......Jainy was all over the place..other kids slept....not this one! Too much to explore!We are staying at the White Swan Hotel......hundreds of families like us are staying here .....its a wonderful experience...thought we'd be freaked out with the other families but it is quite reassuring and comforting....Kev and I really don?t know who we are anymore...find ourselves talking to complete strangers about their kiddos....its bizarre...Went shopping-- Got Squeaky Shoes for Kinners...yes, I mean Kinners...the shoes are exactly what they sound like...shoes that squeak with every step. Obnoxious? Yes! Adorable? Absolutely! and we couldn?t help it.....KK will Love finding Jainy's squeaker...what a wonderful toy we are bringing home...it squeaks and giggles, runs, plays and drops snackies...perfect! :)Jain went swimming with Daddy...she actually dipped her face and head in the water..brave little soul...pictures attached....While Jainy and Daddy played I had to go to the Consulate to correct some paperwork...grrrrrrrr....the LAST form I filled out was incorrect -- luckily they were able to get it done today so we are good to go. Tomorrow we head to the Consulate again for the "Swearing In' Ceremony that makes her a U.S. Citizen....After I got back I went to the spa for a message....wow....it was a shiatsu message where they do most of it with their feet hanging from bars on the ceiling...it was incredible....she was lightening quick and I SWEAR to you there had to be some ?Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? stuff going on in there -- 1/2 the time it was her feet, 1/2 the time her hands and all I heard was a swish and she was up on the table hanging from the bars on the ceiling...then swish and she was down on the floor ....it was magic! ha! It was great though...much needed!Well, I should wrap this up and get some much needed sleep. Sorry this is choppy, but like I said, it is late -- the original email was much longer and, to be truthful, quite witty ;) but it is lost forever somewhere in cyberspace....grrrrrrrrr.....Hope all is well. Although we have enjoyed our time here immensely, we are looking forward to starting our family at home....can't wait! 9/22/05 Well, our trip is just about over ...but I have a feeling the adventure is just beginning....heading back to the states early tomorrow morning...we cant wait to get home and find out what our new definition of 'normal' will be.... Today we had a great day...went on a tour of Guangzhou...Jainy's powers are useless on the bus and she slept right thru it, although she woke up to be blessed by the Buddhist Monks at the temple which was a wonderful experience. Then we were off to the US Consulate where she was sworn in as a US Citizen. It was a quick, painless process (there were like 70 other families so they made it quick) Jainy was unphased and slept through it all....it was scheduled during nap time so she couldn?t help herself. Her Daddy raised her right hand for her...it was adorumble. We were sworn in with like 70 other families all leaving for the states. Once she touches ground in New Jersey she will be considered a naturalized Citizen. :) Wow...that paragraph above is just surreal...the process has been so long and tedious and at times it felt like it would never happen, but our paths eventually crossed and she is now in our arms....exactly where she belongs. Today was quite humorous though....now that we are all getting to know each other the language barrier is becoming more obvious....we have realized that Jain has started s-l-o-w-e-r and LOUDER so we can understand -- gosh, it is funny...we can understand a few things though and we are all learning more and more every day....I am sure she cant wait to once again be able to chatter away...right now her patience runs thin but we just remind ourselves that she is virtually starting over so it's no big deal. For the most part we are learning by nonverbals...it?s a slow process but we all get there eventually. Well, there is lots to do tonight before we get on out of here so I should wrap this up. Once again, thanks to all of you for your support and wonderful emails...I am ecstatic that we were able to share this journey with you all. Love--Jen