Phewww.. I'm about a week late in posting the details.. But the shower aka, "baby bash" turned out rather good.
About 40 of my closest friends and a few of my best regulars came out to celebrate. I feel extremely fortunate to have sooo many people in my life that care. Only 2 people who rsvp'd didn't show up, and more people who didn't rsvp at all showed up.
The gifts were great. Practical ( I got diapers and bottles) , fun ( neat clothes, a little pimp robe as we joked about even though it's really a veloury cloth bath robe) .. Stroller with car seat, high chair, swing, bath tub, blankets, backpack style carriers, lots of money and even more in gift certificates.
Just click on photos... they are under the baby bash.
My boss Heros showed up.. And we were all expecting some problems. Only he didn't dare show his face up stairs to join the party. He left us alone. I asked him the next time I saw him why he didn't come up, and he said becuase he didn't know anyone and he didn't want to invade our space. That was nice. Hanri come to celebrate us, but I was really surprised that neither Heros or Saro bother giving me gifts or even acknowledging the party. It shouldn't surprise me, I mean if you think about the history of their behavoir..
But what I did find interesting was that Heros straight out lied to me. He asked me about the presents we recieved. Then asked if I knew how much it cost Jen, Karen and Josh to throw the baby bash. And then said he pitched in 50 bucks. I thought that was nice. But a few days later, I asked Jen how much Heros pitched in for the shower and she laughed and said nothing. Nothing?? I can't believe he was trying to take credit for something he didnt do..
And what was even as funny is that Josh asked Mickey and my mom for money to pitch in for the baby shower, but never told Jen or Karen that he was trying to get money from them, so he was trying to pocket all the money and not split it fairly.. The nerve of some people!!
Other than all that it was virtually drama free. A couple of the guests, Lara and Jill were obnoxious pretty early. They weren't drinking becuase they didn't have money and kept trying to get guys to buy them drinks. But within and hour of being there, that didn't stop them from driving the guests nuts. Blowing party favors in peoples faces and being worse than a pair of 5 year olds. It was embarrassing. And I didn't mind for one second that they only stayed about an hour. After that, everything went smooth until Melinda got piss drunk and made the usual drunk spectacle of herself that she always does. During the opening of the gifts she tried to take photos, but was screaming and commenting on some of the gifts.. She broke a couple glasses, and completely tried turning all the attention to her. It was at that point that I realized I should have just opened gifts from people who were still there, and not all of them. But more people wanted them all opened, so....
All in all I had a very good time. I couldn't have asked for a better shower/bash, even if there were more men than women.. ha haha
We made up some baby shower guest sign in sheets, so I can keep track of everyone who came out whether or not they brought gifts.. Josh just stopped by to pick them up and started letting me know that Heros was already being a jerk about tonight.
Since I'm vegetarian, borderline vegan they ordered a special cake for me. They wanted to bring some appetizers which I could eat, and of course some for the guests. Heros told them no, they couldn't bring any outside food, only a cake, which has them stressing out. This is stupid. They serve bar food. Fried appetizers ( hot wings, chicken fingers, motzarella sticks, french fries, onion rings, nachos, pizzas, burgers and meat sandwhiches) . I dont eat any thing from there. Especially becuase I know how the food is kept and prepared.. UGH. And let's not forget, the place just got shut down by the health department, less than a week ago. And they still have not cleansed thier cochroach problem, because we saw soooo many "friends" around the bar last night.
So, even if there were some outside appetizers, people, especially ones who are drinking, will eat. He's not going to be losing money. He'll be making money in the long run. I can't believe how evil some people can be. or desparate for money. Or that money could make someone sooo damn desparate.
Sigh. I need to eat and nap and then start getting ready.. We'll see tomorrow how tonight turns out...
Well tonight the people from my work are giving me a baby shower. I was a little weary about how it's going to turn out, becuase my bartender Josh and another cocktail waitress Jennifer wanted to throw it. I gave them a guest list, but Josh only invited about 20 people.
They picked a Monday night, becuase none of us work on a Monday night. Then decided to do it at my work, since it's a big space. And since the majority of my friends are male, Monday night football would be great. Plus it's a bar, those who want to drink can drink, and we're not paying for it.
So since it's at my work, and most of my regulars are interested in the baby's progress, I figured I'd invite them all. But Josh didn't feel that way. I completely disagree. I mean, it's not up to him to decide who he thinks he should invite, right? I mean, it's for the baby. I ended up sending out the evites to those who's email address I have. Turned out to be 70 people. And so far 35 of them have responded that they are coming. Thats not to mention all those who have called me, or who's email addresses I didn't have. oooops.
I hope it doesn't turn out like my birthday party. Every year I have a big birthday bash. My birthday falls on St. Patrick's Day, so it's usually not hard to get people to meet up somewhere. This past March, I decided to use my work as a venue. I sent out about 100 evites. My work was sooo busy. I had guests with presents still waiting outside to get in. Some never even got in. I was sooo smashed, the photos are the only thing that links some memories I have of the night. Mostly I was text messaging Mickey in New York. and losing my phone. It was a fun night.
But Heros called last call at 12:30am and kicked everyone out by 1 am. I was angry. It was the busiest night that bar has ever seen in it's 15 year history. The cocktails waitresses and the bartenders all made over 500 bucks a piece. And all my friends, all the patrons, all the regulars were treated like crap. (big surprise, huh?). My boss keeps asking if I'm going to do next years birthday there, I'm like "hell no". Why, so he can make money and we can get treated bad. He locked my ride, out side and locked me inside the bar not letting me leave.. How rude.
So now I have to wonder if he's going to be the same way tonight. I've got some of the best drinkers, who tip good coming in. Leah, will make a ton of money. I hope that Heros doesn't show up, unless of course he's bringing a gift (yeah right). ha hah a.. that's just a joke really.. I just don't want him to force people out before we are ready. It will be another good night for the bar, and hopefully a good night for the baby...
The girls (Jennifer and Karen) were in for a few hours last night setting up the VIP room for the shower. I managed to see some balloons peering out the windows. But they were trying to keep it secret . There were several huge bags they took up, and I was just itching to go see what was going on.. But I was a good girl, just worked my shift and pretended I didn't know they were up there and what they were doing..
Though Josh was a big blow it. Told me he was hunting around yesterday. He's terrible at keeping secrets. He blew it for alot of this things. So I think he went to pick me up a vegan cake. At least after he started and stopped himself from talking, I'd finish what he didn't finish saying and he'd turn bright red. Yup, I think they got a vegan cake. I told him he should have just made a cake without egg, rather than paying alot of money for a vegan cake.
Sigh. I'll find out in a few hours. I'll take lots of photos and post some tomorrow.
I still don't think it's fair they were going to let Mickey go up and see the room, but keep it from me! hee hee
I was at work last night and I had one of the regulars laugh every time I walked by.. So I finally said to him, are you laughing because I look like a weeble wobble? and he said, YES, it's the first time he noticed me starting to waddle around..
Ok. it's funny, I know, most everyone is really enjoying me put on weight becuase I've always been sooo tiny. But weighing in at 131 pounds today. This is the most weight my little frame has ever carried. Its starting to get uncomfortable. I feel like I"m going to pop any minute now. I dont feel as though my skin can stretch much more. I know it can, it just doesn't feel like it can.
I'm trying very hard not to stratch my skin even though it itches like crazy. Stratching will create more stretch marks by tearing the skin as it stretches, or at least so I'm told. I wont use any fresh aloe vera plant on it again. Trying vitamin E oil, along with baby oil and some full concentrate Shea Butter or Palmers CoCo Butter rubs, but it's not really relieving the discomfort at all. Does any one have any good remedies that worked for them??? (thanks for sharing, if you do....)
Oh.. and this morning was the first time my baby has gotten the hiccups! or at least that I've noticed. I woke up, and put my hand on my belly and started feeling this little jumping, or little ticking. It was the cutest little feeling in the world, but at the same time, it started making me nervous wondering if he was ok..
Well, I went to my doctor's appointment on Friday. Aside from waiting for hours to actually be seen by my doctor, it was a rather quick and painless appointment.
We heard the baby's heart beat.. I swear I head two heartbeats, and keep asking her if I'm having twins, but of course, my doctor assures me that I'm only carrying one baby.
I gained a couple extra pounds instead of my 5 pounds for the month that I'm supposed to be gaining . But other than that, my blood pressure seems to be fine. Which relives me, because now that I'm in my third trimester, I'm starting to worry about toxemia and preclampsia, which I had with my first pregnancy 17 years ago.
I didn't have too many questions or maybe I was just too rushed to remember anything I wanted to ask, but I did remember to ask if we were going to schedule my c-section or if we were just going to wait to see when I'd go into labor. She said she'd schedule the c-section about a week before my due date. Something we'll probably work out during my first visits in December. So it looks like the last week of December the baby will arrive, unless of course he decides he wants to enter the world sooner..
My next appointment is in November, so I've got a month to write down all those questions I might have... And start preparing for his arrival.
I can't wait.. I'm getting excited.. and scared of course.. hee hee
Well yesterday I was in the midst of doing laundry, when I got the sudden urge to head out to Sav0n to buy some cleaning products. Mickey is leaving NY on Thursday for his big move to LA, and I wanted to get this place nice and clean before he gets here.
They didn't exactly have what I wanted but I bought a few things anyway. As I was walking out the store I felt something land on my head. I immediately thought, " damn, I hope a bird didn't just poop on my head" even though I hadn't really gotten out the door and in direct line of the outdoors, let alone a bird. I stuck my hand on my head as I'm looking around to see who's watching me or to see if anyone saw what was going on.. And as my hand was lifting, I saw this grasshopper fly away. A GRASSHOPPER LANDED ON MY HEAD! How random and funny is that?? I was thinking to myself.. I better play the lotto or something, I mean, it's not often a person walks out of a store and has a grasshopper land on thier head...
So I'm thinking.. I need to look up on the internet to find out what grasshoppers mean.. Call it superstitous or whatever..
I get home, and decide to use some aloe vera from my plant outside my door on my belly.. Couldn't hurt right? It smelled.. It was thick and yellow at first, kind of like egg yolk or something. And it made me itch like crazy. I let it dry.. Tend to my laundry. Warm up a bowl of beans and add lots of Cayenne pepper. Jane calls and asks if I'd pick up her shift at work. Of course, I need the money, and god only knows how long I'll be an employee there. I start dusting my room and find some shoes and some boots I want to give to Elaina, another waitress I work with.. So I call her up.. Tell her to come in tonight so she can pick up some stuff I have for her.. about 20 mins later we hang up.. I get up off the couch and notice my sweats are soaking wet!
I start freaking out.. all the way down to my knees.. I call up my mom at work in a panic.. "I think my water just broke, please come home" so she does. She asks me if I'm in any pain or if I feel anything.. "no, not at all...no cramps, no contractions, I'm just soaking wet". She says she's on her way.. I tell her I"m going to put the laundry in the dryer, and jump in the shower.. And I do that..I jump in the shower..I"m afraid to pee, even though I have to, becuase I think, I dont want to pee out the baby.. ( you know.. I've watched too much tv..) but I'm standing in the shower and I"m looking down... nothing.. not leaking.. no water... it's completely normal. My belly seems fine..but I think my blood pressure is rising because I'm now having a panic attack.
I wash up... I get out of the shower.. I call Mickey to let him know that I think I"m going to go to the hospital or my doctors because I think my water may have broke.. Then I start thinking about that grasshopper... hmmmm... I grab some clothes.. then pick up my sweats...sure enough..wet all over. I pick up the boxer shorts I was wearing.. the belly is wet, but the crotch isn't... hmmm... that's odd.. doesn't make sense to me.. so I start recounting my actions for the past hour.. Nope, I wasn't washing dishes.. I didn't wash my face or clean the bathroom.. Where the hell did this water come from???
I smelled my clothes to see if there was any odor.. Nothing, it smells like water..or plain wet clothes.. Then it dawns on me.. That aloe vera plant made me itch so bad, I washed off my belly... I splashed and splashed to get all that residue off. I splashed lots of I wouldn't have to rub.. I may not even have completely dried off my belly.. it was pretty hot anyway.. it sort of cooled me off. But I didn't remember it until after I freaked myself out!
I called my mom to tell her, false alarm..I'm retarded, suffering from pregnancy brain.. She didn't need to come home, but it was too late, she was already home. And of course teasing me the rest of the night.
I can't believe I couldn't remember doing that!! I scared myself sooo bad! What a dork I am!!
Everyone gets them..And it's not just people who are pregnant. I know quite a few women and men who have them. Some worse than others.. And other people just have perfect genes and don't get them.
I have some from my first pregnancy.. They are very light and silvery. While I notice them and hate them, some people just dont seem to notice them at all. Maybe it's just I'm very hard on myself. Or perhaps I'm just tainted from the business I work in. But I do think we are all harder on ourselves than we should be.
So far with this new pregnancy, I dont seem to notice any new stretch marks. But that doesn't mean that if I dont get any while my belly is stretched, that they wont come after the baby, while the skin skrinks to it's normal state.
I've searched and searched for a perfect remedy. I've bought those expensive stretch mark creams, which the smell bugs me, and it seems to make my belly itch more, while others leave little red marks, almost like tiny broken blood vessels. I've found I've just been using plain old Aloe Vera gel mixed with some vitamin E oil, after I shower. I occasionally use this Belly Salve from Motherhood, which is pure oils, no water or artificial anything. We'll see how it works in the end.
But from time to time, I itch. Itch, itch, itch. And the last thing I'll do is stratch. It's proven that the more you itch or scratch your skin, the more damage you'll do to it. So I try not to scratch.. I tap...lightly.
I came across this article a couple days ago. Actually, it was in an email I recieved from
www.stork.net
. And I thought I'd share it with everyone.
Stretch mark cream:
Your doctor, your friends, your mom, even movie characters all say the same thing: "Accept your stretch marks -- they are signs of life."
Well, that's a nice philosophy. But if you would rather live without those souvenirs from your pregnancy, you need information about the wide range of stretch mark creams and treatments out there and which ones work.
First of all, you should know that nothing is guaranteed to completely get rid of stretch marks. But there are ways to reduce their appearance, some better than others. Let's look at the pros and cons of each:
1.
Laser surgery. Once the great hope for stretch mark removal, laser surgery results are mixed and inconclusive. In fact, according to Jerome Klein, a New York City plastic surgeon, laser surgery can in some cases cause more scarring or pigment changes. Plus, it's expensive and must be performed by a doctor.
2.
Surgical Skin Resection. This involves surgically cutting out the stretch marks. Some MDs say it's the only treatment capable of actually removing the marks, but it's a costly and lengthy procedure. And, like any other surgery, there is discomfort and risk. It is not recommended for all patients and is not covered by health insurance.
3.
Microdermabrasion uses fine crystals to abrade the skin surface and stimulate collagen production. It has been somewhat successful in reducing the appearance of stretch marks but it requires numerous treatments, must be done by a qualified doctor, and is expensive.
4.
Stretch Mark Creams. Many products fall into this category, some the modern equivalent of snake oil, some capable of producing fast and noticeable improvements:
a.
Tretinoin, sold as Retin-A, can help reduce new, dark stretch marks but won't work on older, faded ones. And it shouldn't be used if breastfeeding, which rules it out for many new mothers.
b.
Cocoa butter and other over-the-counter skin creams will make your skin soft but can't reach deeply enough below the surface to repair stretch marks.
c.
Stretch mark creams come in many different formulations. The most effective ones contain special ingredients such as elastin, collagen, emu oil and liposomes, which can penetrate the skin's layers and stimulate new cell growth to repair the damaged skin. Some of these creams work on both old and new stretch marks, with results visible from a few weeks to a few months after beginning treatment. They are safer and easier to use and far less expensive than most other stretch mark treatment options. The challenge is finding the right cream!
Buying Tips: If you're considering purchasing a cream for stretch marks, look for these features before buying:
Check for active ingredients like collagen, elastin, aloe vera gel, vitamin E and glycolic acid. Also, does the product contain "high" amounts of these ingredients? (some creams only have enough of an ingredient to 'legally' be able to say that their cream contains the ingredient)
Does the product have a good "delivery" system such as emu oil, liposomes or some other type of effective 'carrier'?
Rule out stretch mark creams that contain water, which dilutes the product.
Does the company have a professional website with access to their contact information such as their address and phone number? (be leery of websites that do not provide their contact information)
Does the company have real user testimonials about the cream?
Most importantly, what kind of guarantee does the company offer for the cream? (be leery of companies that offer you the "moon" - - - especially if they do not have a "strong" money back guarantee)
Less than 14 weeks to go, if I go full term. I can't believe how achey I am. I dont remember my first pregnancy being this way. Of course I was 15. I'm sure alot of things phsyically were easier back then...
It's getting hard to get comfortable enough to sleep longer than 3 hours at a time. They suggest laying on the left side, but honestly, it hurts to lay on my left side. I feel like I"m crushing the baby.
I can't even sit long. After 15 or 20 minutes my stomach starts hurting.. then my back..UGH.. I was going through an old photo album. Taking photos of my son, Drew , out so I can make him a new scrap book of his life.. He'll be 18 next year.. Man how time flies... such a simple task, took sooo long and was quite uncomfortable... Just a couple more months.. I know...
But I want to meet this little guy inside me. I was very uneased about not having a name picked out, but we are thinking of Chase.. Pronounced Chay's in French. But Chase .. Hmm.. I keep going back and forth, but I feel bad not having a clue of what to call him. Jaoquin for the middle name..I like Jack. He doesn't like Jack.. But he said if we name him Jaoquin we can call him Jack.. Chase Jaoquin.. How does that sound? Jack for short.. Chaz for short? What about Chet.. I kinda like Chet too.. He doesn't. This isn't going to be easy.
I haven't had any weird food cravings so far.. In the beginning of my pregnancy when I was going through a morning sickness phase.. I drank pickle juice. I know, sounds weird.. I didn't eat the pickles, just drank the juice..and much to my surprise, it settled my stomach.
Last night while I was at work.. This regular drunk guy couldn't stop running his mouth off. Apparently he refers to himself as an up and coming screen writer who might be related to the Burton snow boarding legacy.
Anyhoot... he starts talking about how he's helping out his buddy and working the Fair in Pomona. Handling the mini pig races. But then he starts with these stories about what he likes about the Fair, and how there are these different types of foods that you'd never ever think to eat.. So he tried them all.
One in particular stood in my mind. Corn on the cob, smuthered in butter..Then dosed in mayonaise, with chili sprinkled over. He couldn't stop saying how much he loved it.
So... all night... all day... I wanted to try corn on the cob with mustard.. Gross huh? But instead, I made some corn. smothered it in butter.. put some veganise (because i dont eat real mayonaise), then sprinkled some chili powder on.. And ate it. Can I just tell you... YUCK YUCK YUCK.. it was not good. Maybe I forgot the salt.. But I should have tried mustard instead...
Now I wonder what my next craving will be.. It's safe to say, I dont think I'll crave that again.. ha ha ha
What exactly does 95% chance it's a boy supposed to mean anyway? I mean.. I know what it means.. but why is it not a 100% sure it's a boy?? Perhaps protection incase that 5% kicks in and it ends up being a girl? I dont know... Maybe I'm just not convinced yet.
Mickey is extremely excited it's a boy.. He wanted a boy from the moment we found out I was pregnant. Having grown up around women.. This boy is something new for him..
And me.. well I want healthy.. I already have a son... so a little girl would have been nice..But if we have more kids, I want the boy to be older to protect the girl. Besides.. I've always had boys in my life. Even though I'm an only child, all my friends have been male. Only few females have stuck around in my life.. So it seems natural to have a boy.
But I really do think we both thought it was definitely going to be a girl. We had several girls names picked out.. But for boy names.. hmm.. from the beginning we thought Joaquin, but then never really gave it much thought.
I couldn't wait.. Must have been something subconscious.. I dont know.. I think I hurt myself last Thursday. I hurt. I definately know that. But I think around midnight last Thursday at work is when I first felt a sharp pain in my lower back.. pelvic area..butt.. whatever. I figured it would pass, and think nothing of it again..
I ended up working Saturday , and Sunday night.. By midnight on Sunday..I was in pain again.. And for the first time actually questioned whether or not I should be working.. or could handle working.. That means..I was feeling pain.
Monday I felt fine.. But I worked Tuesday night. Almost buckled in pain at one point.. Wedensday night..I worked again.. I left early.. And found I could barely walk from my car to my house.. I hurt.. I'm not sure if it was from standing soo much... or walking around so much.. or sitting too long... or what..
But it kept me from sleeping. I needed sleep, I was picking Mickey up from the airport at 11:00. I woke about 3:30am.. I couldn't even get up to use the bathroom. I was in tears. I managed to get up.. grab a bag of frozen peas and bring it back to bed to use it as an ice pack..and I fell asleep.
I looked up on a few baby sites about back pain associated with pregnancy. And really started to scare myself.. It's normal to have aches and pains... Could be pressure from the baby.. But could also be signs of liver damage. Kidney infection.. Bad case scenario, an acute form of Toxemia, that is dangerous for baby and mother.. UGH.. I'm scared now.. really scared.. But as scared as I am.. It still doesn't feel typical back pain...it feels like someone punched me really hard in my butt.
I turned a few times.. no pain.. I'm thinking... great, I'm outta the woods.. Thought too soon. The pain came back. I called my doctor and begged to come in to find out what was going on. I know I have an appointment for tomorrow morning, but I really questioned whether I was even going to be able to drive to the airport . They told me I can come in at 2pm. Phewwww... I felt relieved, but no comfort.
I called Hope to see if she could cover my shift at work tonight.. No way I'd be able to walk around that bar at all. And my sinus are acting up..and my throat is sooo sore.. I need to try to recoup. and work my shift on Sunday... Thankfully Hope decided to work for me.
I made it to the airport... Got to my doctors around 12:30.. signed in..then left to eat and head over to Toys R Us. We found this maternity back support thing.. and bought it. Every step I took felt like I was slowly becoming crippled...
We got back to the doctors office about 1:30.. Luckily..I was first on the list.. First to see the doctor.. I grabbed a few magazines then tried to sit.. I jumped up in pain.. It took me almost 5 minutes to be able to sit.. I had tears running down my face. Mickey had to get up and get me tissues to wipe my runny nose and teary eyes...
Finally I was called in to the room.. Got weighed.. I gained 5 pounds..I joked that my weight would go down once I peed.. I drink ALOT of water.. In fact... after I pee'd I weighed 121.. one pound less.. ha hahaha.
The doctor never even got there until about 3. I explained to her my pain.. She thinks I might have a pinched nerve or just hurt myself by over extending or stretching. There's nothing really she can do, as for testing until after I have the baby. Though she thinks some rest should heal it. She gave me some tylenol with codine. A low dose and said to take every 6 hours. But not to take it alot. I"m sooo chicken of everything, I was doubtful I'd even take one, but wanted the prescription just in case..
She said all my blood work has been fine. No diabetes.. Everything good.. No signs of birth defects from those tests.. My blood pressure is fine.. My urine is testing fine.. Time to do the sonogram!
She asks.. do you want to know the sex.. Well YES WE DO!! We had the video camera. Hoping to put some of the footage up on the website sometime this weekend.
Saw the baby's face.. Looked like a smiling face. Then it turned.. Saw it's side profile.. Strong heart beat.. Great looking spine.. And the sex.. IT"S A BOY! 95% chance it's a boy. Mickey is as happy as can be.. He grew up around all girls, so he wanted a boy. I get another boy.. At least I've been through it before!!
I did manage to remember to ask about the C-Section.. she'll be cutting in the same place as before..
I went to fill my prescription.. ate..then took one to relieve the pain. Perhaps the pill worked. It's been 2 hours that past.. Or perhaps, I was creating pain becuase I really wanted to get to the doctor to find out if it's a boy or girl.. Maybe tomorrow will tell.. Hopefully the pain will go away... And a few days rest is what I need.
Now.. if I can just convince Mickey to start shopping for baby stuff, I'll a happy camper!!
I read it's good to read to and talk to your belly while you are carrying a baby... A baby is able to hear and recognize your voice. It can get startled from loud noises. Recognize light and darkness.. It sucks it's thumb, does sommersaults and even gets the hiccups...
Things I'm curious about ... Can a baby sense my pain while in the womb. For example.. If I'm getting waxed, and that first pulling of the hairs off, make me flinch with a slight momentary sting.. Does the baby feel this? Can it tell the difference between hot and cold.. Weather...or water when I'm in the shower?? And how must it sound to have the water hitting my belly? They say it's not good to tap on a fish tank because the noise can drive the fish nuts... but what are the effects on the baby?
If I'm angry or stressed or hurt... how does this effect the baby? But what about when I'm happy and laughing?? Can laughing too hard or too much do any damage??
My cat Shibby decided to let me know she loves me today..
It was soo cute how she just plopped herself on my belly, I tried to take some photos without disturbing her. Looks like she was trying to listen to the baby's heart beat, and feel it kick..
I never really thought about how differently women with big boobs get treated. My boobs are great. I'm very happy with my B cups. And thank god for Victoria Secrets, I can increase my size without going under the knife...
What I never really expected was how fast and how big my boobs would get, being pregnant. They've grown twice as big, so far... and still growing. I must admit, I like them alot. So much so that I'm thinking, what am I going to do after the baby when they return to thier normal state?? Get a boob job?? Maybe, stranger things have happened.
But what I really noticed, is how much people no longer talk to me anymore.. They talk to my boobs!! As if they are some amazing talking objects, and they are intently waiting for them to speak back... Even the girls I work with compliment my boobs.. But the funniest when Leah said, "Sorry Crystal, I can't stop staring at your boobs.." All the while, I dont think she once looked me in the face the whole night... And I get people telling me.. "wow, your boobs look soo soft I just want to touch them"...
Flattering, yes.. But it's starting to get uncomfortable. I never thought I'd feel that way.. Because when people talked to my B's, it never bothered me.. It flattered me.. Maybe now it's just noticeable because people aren't even discreet about looking. "hellooooooooo... I'm up here!" I keep thinking..
Ok, not exactly true ... I have a boy friend, but we arent' married. In fact, we dont even live on same sides of the coasts.
After having had my son when I just turned 16.. And watching him grow up with me being his mom, dad, brother, sister.. Not having anyone to help out finanically. And seeing my son grow up almost saddened that his friends got to go on vacations, or had these really expensive clothes and any toy they wanted. It was heartbreaking.
Now, my son didn't grow up wanting.. He was very spoiled in love and usually got everything he wanted. But we've never taken a vacation. Perhaps the past few years.. Trips to Las Vegas (what fun is that for a kid??). Or road trips to New Mexico to visit family ( but more often than not, those trips came when some family member was sick). The only fun trips he ever took was with my x-boyfriends mom, Patty. And I wasn't even there for those.. She had a son a year younger than my Drew, so she'd pay for everything so Zack would have a friend to play with.. And since we were in each others lives for almost 6 years, we were family.
But even now that my son is 17. Most his friends are driving.. And have cars.. Only 3 of his friends work. The rest have well off families who just encourage thier kids to get educated, then get a job. I can't even afford to get him a car, let alone pay to have him take driving lessons. And while he's eager to stay in school, I keep telling him to get a job so that he can get himself stuff he really wants, that I can't give him.
I know I was 16. I was young. Not a provider of wealth, just of love. And now, being 33 I should be able to give him the world before he's an official adult and out there to fend for himself, but it's still not possible. Not only am I pregnant.. I'm on the verge of being jobless. With descions of either trying to go out on disability or unemployement. I can't provide my son with much, and now I'm bringing another life into this world. I swore I would only have another child once I was married, and financially stable.
My boyfriend says to me I need to stop thinking about me being in this alone. Not about my son, because he's not my sons father, and he reminds me of it, but about the baby I'm carrying now. But sometimes I feel nothing has really changed.
Mickey lives in New York. and I live in California. His whole life is there, while mine is here. He seems really happy about this baby, I don't doubt that one bit. He says he wants to move out here to be with me and the baby...be a family... But for some reason, I have doubts.
I'm basically going through this whole pregnancy alone. 22 weeks.. 151 days .. And he's been present for maybe 20 days total. He comes out here for about 4 days, every 3 weeks or once a month.. But 20 days, is not exactly going through this with me. He wasnt' here to experience the baby's first kicks, or first somersaults. Wasn't here for the morning sickness. Not here to watch my growing belly, only gets to see when I email him photos. I guess in a way, he has it good... He gets a baby but doesnt' have to go through any of the pains of the whole experience.
We talk on the phone every day, though I've noticed lately our phone calls are less and less.. And when we are on the phone, he seems to ask me the same questions over and over again, even if he words them slightly differently. We used to be on the phone for 6 hours at a time... Seems like things are changing to me. I feel as though we are slowly drifting apart.
I guess the hardest thing is the emotional support... I feel like I dont have any. Especially with all the drama going on at my work. Just a couple phone conversations and then I get frustrated becuase he tells me I need to tell them I want my shifts back... I can only do so much.. I've made my intentions clear at work.. I can't make them give me my shift back.. I can only file complaints/suits with the appropriate people. Not even my mom... All she says is, "well it's your fault for getting pregnant, what did you expect" . What I need is someone telling me things are going to be ok and everything will work out.. And Drew, he tries, has a few words of wisdom, then he's out the door with his friends.. ha ha hah a.
Even though there is a 17 year difference in my pregnancies, the only differences between them, is the first one was plagued with complications and so far this one seems to be going just fine.
But single, I still am.. that hasn't changed. I'm still the one not having someone here to share the experience with .. I'm still the one who's needs to worry about putting food on the table, paying bills, and rent ... I'm still the one that needs to take care of everything... I still feel like I'm the only one I can depend on.
Two more weeks... I dont think I can wait two more weeks to find out if I'm having a boy or girl...
I had it all planned out...go get my blood drawn... drop by my doctors office to pick up the note my work is requesting.... if she wasn't busy, I'd spring it on her... Can we just check right now to see if it's a boy or girl... ha ha haha.. I dont think she would have minded. I mean..after all she's been my doctor for about 17/18 years now.. Only how was I supposed to know the diabetic testing is an hour long process.... ugh.. Starve yourself after midnight.. dont' drink anything, not even water... Draw blood ... now here, drink this as quick as you can.. and then sit in the lobby for an hour and come back in to get more blood drawn... WHAT????
Ok... so I'm there a total of two hours. I call after the first blood was drawn.. Doctors office is closed from 12:30 till 3 pm... Dammit... My second blood is to be drawn at 12:30. Luckily the lab is only 2 blocks away... I happen to call to see if by chance I can still pick up my note.. I dont live that close and I dont want to have to make another trip out, traffic sucks in LA. They are still there... I can stop by , get my note.. but the doctor is already gone.. damn..
So it's too more weeks, before I will find out what I'm carrying. Two more weeks before I can start seriously considering some names, and start buying some proper baby stuff.... sigh..
I've never considered myself to have a depressive type personality. In fact, I can't even remember ever being depressed.. Maybe when my dog which I took from the pound died, 3 weeks after I got her home.. But aside from that, I can't think of a single time...
I dont know if it's becuase of the drama my bosses are creating for me at work, threatening my job, but I'm feeling a little down. Sure, it could be the hormones becuase I'm pregnant. I mean, those hormonal changes and mood swings are a very common thing, I read..
But I'm starting to think I'll never fit into my clothes again, ever.. I've had to clear out 2 drawers, and more than half my closet .. packed away all my pre-pregnancy clothes. And those clothes that used to be too big for me, are now too small for me. Never having had a chance to wear them yet.. It's awful!!
So we went looking for maternity clothes... UGH.. can you say ugly? I mean, I really want to go into a larger persons clothing store, because honestly, they have nice clothes! They are stylish! Hip! Up to date in the fashion world... But when I walk into a store I get funny looks from people, so I get intimated and walk out... isnt that silly?
Ok.. so yes, there are some nice maternity clothes, but to pay $78.00 for a pair of pants I will only be needing for the next 3 months.. no thanks..I need the money... I might not have my job for long. And any affordable clothes are just awful. Maybe I'm vain and have come used to the styles I like. But why do I have to give up who I am, or what my style is just because I'm having a baby??
And wouldn't it be logical for designers to make affordable maternity clothes that are hip, cool, stylish so that people will buy more clothes , and come back more often? Maybe I'm just the middle class working poor, so it's an issue for me. Maybe most couples have two big incomes coming in and 500 dollars worth of maternity clothes is no big deal.
On quest to look good and pregnant... Not sloppy and pregnant....
I spoke with my doctor last visit I had with her regarding the delivery of this baby.. Will I have a VBAC or another C-Section. She said I'll be having another C-Section.. .
I remembered to ask her whether I'd be knocked out again and she said no.. I"ll be awake the whole time.. Hmm... I looked up and read about the whole C-Section proceedure... I think I'm going to vomit during the operation.. I really do.
But what I forgot to ask her was where she plans on making the incision... I mean.. do they use the same place as the first time.. just cut through old scar tissue? Or do they make a new incision?
A little over 2 wees till my next appointment.. I hope I remember to ask her.. But considering it will be another sonogram to find out if it's a boy or girl.. I think I might forget...
I can't wait.. I'm getting excited.. and scared of course.. hee hee
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